What if This Doesn’t Work?
This is the question I probably field more often than any other from parents. “What if this doesn’t work?”
Whether we’re talking about Wilderness Therapy, residential treatment, a substance recovery program, parent coaching, or a therapeutic boarding school, they want to know that their investment of energy, money, and time away from their child will be “worth it” – that it will yield the results* they are looking for.
[*We’ll talk about results, too, but that’s another post for another day. Stay tuned next week for that episode.]
It’s a valid concern. Often, by the time parents have gotten to me, they’ve experienced multiple “failed” interventions, or have tried everything they can think of to get their child the services they need in school.
And really, there’s no guarantee. Even with the clearest diagnosis, the best clinical teams in the world, or the most talented teachers, sometimes things don’t “work”.
Two things that can up the odds:
Parents and caregivers who do their work – like really.
Finding the right spot – this is where using an Educational Consultant comes in. The thousands of programs you’ll find on a Google Search are a hodgepodge of the good, the bad, and the ugly. What your best friend’s aunt’s yoga teacher did for her struggling teen, is probably not exactly what your struggling teen needs, no matter how good the program. You need to work with someone with experience reading testing, who knows the right questions to ask therapists and programs, and can act as the best, most professional, kind of matchmaker.
How you go about doing the work will depend a lot on you – read and relate to books, listen to podcasts, write, or see your own therapist. It takes time and it’s not always easy. Sometimes we have to look at the parts of ourselves we don’t like so much. The demanding parts, the parts that are scared of conflict, the insecure parts that want approval or seek status, and even the most generous and loving parts that sometimes help a little bit too much. But I promise, if you set aside consistent time to think about you, separate from your child, it’s like alchemy. Your work makes a huge difference in their growth.
And when you find the right intervention, it takes trust to let the professionals do the work, confidence to share the things that only you understand about your child, and openness to learn and really “get” them in a new way. I’ve had parents describe it to me as “meeting someone for the first time even though I’ve known them their whole life.”
Like everything in life, there are no promised outcomes here. But there are things you can do to improve the odds of finding success – whatever that might look like for your family.
I’d love to know your stories of leaning in and “upping the odds” if you’re willing to share. The comments are open.