Since Covid, we're witnessing an unprecedented surge in parental anxiety. In the past few years, I've noticed a concerning trend in how parents handle their and their child’s anxiety.

The Anxiety Epidemic

Instead of recognizing anxiety as a normal, biological response that humans have experienced since the beginning of time, parents are treating it like a villain to be vanquished. They see anxiety as something dangerous, something their children must be protected from at all costs.

The Protection Paradox

When parents shield their kids from every anxious moment or emotion, they accidentally send a devastating message: "The world is scary, and I don't think you can handle it." Kids, being the perceptive beings they are, respond in predictable yet concerning ways, including isolation, school avoidance, substance use, technology overuse, and more.

Discomfort Enables Growth

Yes, our role as parents is to protect our children from lasting harm - but not from the uncomfortable feelings that are part of growing up. Learning to tolerate anxiety, face challenges, and develop resilience are essential life skills. Sometimes, the most loving thing we can do is step back and let our children develop these abilities with the right support.

Creating Space for Growth

While we often recommend individual and family therapy near the home, sometimes, the family system needs more than outpatient therapy. When I suggest a residential placement or boarding school, it's often because we need to create space (and distance) to unravel anxious family systems and establish healthier patterns of connection.

The Good News: Evidenced Based Treatment Works!

Evidence-based treatments for anxiety exist and work remarkably well. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) helps reframe anxious thoughts, Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) gradually builds tolerance to anxiety triggers, and SPACE (Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions) specifically teaches parents how to reduce their accommodation of their child's anxiety while also validating their child’s anxious emotions. During my graduate training at Yale Child Study Center Anxiety Program with preeminent experts in anxiety, I witnessed firsthand how these approaches transform lives by building real resilience rather than avoidance.