I Need to Make a Better Record
No, not me personally. There's a reason that I don't often grab the mic at karaoke. Musical talent is not my strong suit, and if you ask my wife she will tell you (correctly) that I can't even carry the tune to “Row, Row, Row Your Boat.”
But you know who can carry a tune? Taylor Swift.
Before I go any farther, take a second and watch this YouTube clip:
In 2018, the music world was buzzing about the upcoming Grammy nominations. Taylor Swift, who had over 30 previous nominations and 10 wins, found herself on the back side of some bad news. Her album "Reputation" hadn't received a single nod.
Watching someone experience rejection in real time can feel uncomfortable. You're so close to someone's emotion, vulnerability, and disbelief.
I've certainly been there personally – pouring deep work into grant proposals that didn't get approved and building courses that no one enrolled in.
It's easy to conflate your work not being good enough with the feeling that you aren't good enough.
But instead of going down that rabbit hole, Taylor feels her pain and then pivots. In an interview with The New York Times, she reflected on the experience similarly to how she did in Miss Americana, saying, "I need to make a better record." It speaks volumes about her resilience and commitment to her craft.
This time of year, I spend a lot of time thinking about how we intake and process rejection. It's a critical time of year in the school admissions timeline, and over the next four days, thousands of middle and high school students around the country will receive admissions letters from independent schools.
For an adult, getting a formal letter saying “Congratulations, you're in!” or “We're so sorry, but we had a competitive pool of applicants …” is a blow and can feel like a major setback. For a 13 year old, it can feel absolutely devastating and they may not have the ability to contextualize it.
For these students (many of them my clients), Taylor Swift's response to rejection offers a valuable lesson in resilience and self-reflection. Not making a sports team or not getting accepted to your dream school, feels sharp and wounding.
In those moments, it's easy for students to internalize the rejection and question their own worth. Sometimes we take that weight on as parents (Did I not get them the right tutors? Should we have made him go to the extra practices? Maybe they didn't think we were _________ enough in the interview.)
But the truth is, these rejections mean absolutely nothing about the inherent worth of our children or of us as parents. Just as Swift acknowledged the need to improve her craft, students can use rejection as an opportunity for growth, self-improvement, or re-alignment. Maybe it's a chance to hone their skills, explore new interests, or simply try again with a fresh perspective.
Instead of dwelling on what could have been, Swift channeled her energy into creating something even better (and while she did go on to earn another 20 Grammy nominations, she also became deeply grounded in her own worth and sense of self – even bigger wins in the long run).
This is our challenge. To help students adopt a mindset of evolution and growth as they navigate the ups and downs of academic and personal challenges. Their rejections may not be taking place on an international stage, but I would argue that the stakes are just as high.
So if you're one of those people whose child will be getting important news this week, go ahead and play them this clip of Taylor Swift beforehand. Let them know that you love them and that they are not defined by the rejection or the acceptance. Sometimes these things are truly out of our control.
By embracing rejection with grace and resilience, students can makeempowered decisions about their next steps. They can choose to “make a better record” or redefine themselves in a space that feels like a better fit.
(Someday I'll write a newsletter about Taylor's pivot away from country music or Beyoncé's pivot into it, but today is not that day.)
I'll keep my fingers crossed for you that the next time you're deeply invested in something it works out well for you. But if it doesn't? Just shake it off and bounce back better.