7 Simple Steps to Destress Getting Accommodations
When I ask parents what the most difficult part of advocating for their child is, asking for accommodations often tops the list. Not because the actual process is that difficult, but because the communication around it can feel so tense and parents often don’t feel prepared to know what they can ask for and how to do it successfully. The list below isn’t exhaustive and every situation is different, but these 7 simple tips will make a huge difference in how those conversations feel and the results you get.
1. Remember that it’s important for you to speak up. You aren’t inconveniencing anyone by sharing what’s going on for your child. Sometimes teachers only see one side of what’s going on. Particularly if your child struggles, they may be masking their challenges and discomfort, saving their emotions up for when they get home. Not only is it ok for you to share this information with the school -- it’s an important and necessary part of the story for you to communicate.
2. Prep with an email, but discuss accommodations in person (or over Zoom). This face to face eliminates any tone that can be misconstrued via print. Meeting face to face also allows for eye contact and for the teacher to see you and understand your emotions differently.
3. Bring your ideas for solutions AND an open mind. It's useful to come into a meeting with knowledge of what's not working and some questions about ideas that could work. These could range from slight modifications to work or grading, all the way up to a major program modification (opting out of a class or changing a section). And the school will have a good understanding of things you might not have considered. The teachers will be able to say what is developmentally appropriate and works within their program. Any solution will need to be collaborative. AND still …
4. Take things one step at a time. Choose a small set of accommodations to start with. You want to do this for two reasons: you want to manage the number of changes and transitions that your child has to manage at one time and if you implement too many things at once it can be hard to know what is and isn’t working. In your meeting, discuss what incremental progress will look like and how you will know if an accommodation is successful. Set a timeline for when the accommodations will be fully implemented. When / how often will the team check in? By what method?
5. 504 and IEP accommodations are the legal minimum of what the school must provide. If your child has an IEP or a 504 plan, you can always ask for additional support. Those documents are created to establish specific, targeted interventions and outline broad expectations that can apply to most general situations. They aren’t designed to respond to unique classroom situations that your child might encounter. Don’t hesitate to bring up new opportunities for support!
6. Sometimes it might feel like you hit a brick wall. Sometimes, when a school says, "no", it’s because of unseen parameters or a lack of understanding of what’s possible. It’s easy to hear that “no” as meaning “we don’t want to help.” This is why it can be so helpful to work with an advocate or consultant who understands schools and what may or may not be possible in a given situation. So many times I’ve watched meetings that felt like they were at an impasse move forward with a few quick questions or suggestions from the advocate at the table.
If you’re going it alone, remember that schools have different restrictions: financial, legal, and otherwise. So, if the answer to an initial request is "no," follow up with a "can you explain what the obstacles are that would prevent this from working?”
7. After the meeting, always follow up with a recap email. If you are working with an educational consultant or advocate, they will likely write this email for you and send it to the whole team. If not, be sure not to skip this step. It accomplishes two things: giving everyone an opportunity to make sure they heard and understood things the same way and providing accountability and documentation of any next steps that were decided upon. To make this recap email easy, be sure to take good notes during the meeting and include a line in your email that invites people to add things you might have missed.
Meetings with your child’s team don’t have to be stressful and these seven tips will make it more likely that your child will get what they need. Print this list and keep it with your child’s school paperwork to make sure that you go into every meeting with confidence, ready for effective collaboration. Your child is worth it!